I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
then he tried to convert me to islam
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
