I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
