I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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