I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
