That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
