Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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