Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
