I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
