I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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