I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
