Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
