Jerry, you need to find god
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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