the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
In America we eat man semen.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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