am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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