I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
