god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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