Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
