The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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