Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
