I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
