listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
3 2 1 whiskey
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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