So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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