just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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