You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
