Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
