We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
