just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
