Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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