Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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