we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
