Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
