I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
