there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
