i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
