honey bunches of taint.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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