Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
