I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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