Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
