I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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