so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
