I accidentally had phone sex last night
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
