six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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