How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
