You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You pole danced in your parka.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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