I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
