I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
