You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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