I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
