He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
