R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
