just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
