Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
